do you know what poisoned smiles are?
do you know what the color or feeling or sound is so big it would swallow you without a second thought?
do you know what it feels like to be ripped apart on the inside, not because you care, but because nothing and no one and no word is safe?
do you know who I am?
I do not say this out of entitlement,
nor of self-pity. I am where I am, proud of it, and of the fight I came through to find it.
NOR do I think my life is some great sorrow.
No, I speak out of terror, remembered and real mixing into a heady intoxication of horror that leaves me breathless, curled up on the floor, hands clenched around the voice I dare not use.
you see someone with wings unfurled as far as they will stretch; but I have not forgotten the cage I still remember how to enter, when needs must. it is not broken as easily as telling me where black and white are. for my soul is painted gray, and I am a master at the brush. all you know are shadows.
fairycounsel 